The Role of the Wife

I don’t think marriage is very complicated. Now that’s not to say it doesn’t take work and effort, but it’s not complicated. I think a lot of people make it complicated. Basically what it boils down to is wives, respect your husband and husbands, love your wife (as beautifully said in Ephesians). I am happy to go into more detail, however, as a wife myself and what I have learned these last four years as a wife.

Here is a little background to give you an idea of what I saw growing up. My parents were married until I was 14, then they divorced. My father was loving but he unfortunately was a very weak-willed and lazy person. He hated yard work of any kind and my mom was always the one mowing and shoveling snow. She re-roofed our house with my grandparents and completely redid the kitchen. What did my dad do? Take pictures and not help. For the first 14 years of my life, I saw my mom doing all of the physical labor while also working full time AND going to school to be a nurse. My dad had one job and didn’t do much of anything else. My younger brother and I never realized at the time that we did not have a strong male role model to look up to. Not long after the divorce, my mom met my step-dad and the moment he came into our lives, everything changed. He is the best male role model I could have ever asked for. As soon as he came around, my mom never had to mow or shovel snow again (she still tried to, but he was not having any of it).

Once my step-dad was in my life, my taste in men seemed to change and solidify. I was really into the big masculine men, a bonus if they were military. I realize now that it’s because I was looking for a real man who would make a good husband and father, the head of the family, someone who can be in charge and keep everyone in their place. That is a very important element in marriage… but what about the wife? What is she supposed to be like?

Being a wife is in itself a job. As a wife, you are in charge of the house. You do the cleaning and the cooking, while your husband is at work. Now that’s not to say he shouldn’t pick up after himself, because he absolutely should. But seeing as the wife’s primary role is staying at home, it makes sense that she would do the housework while her husband is gone for the day. Having children can make this a little more difficult though, and my husband understands this. If you have children, they should be your first and foremost priority. I do have some tips for that (Disclaimer, I only have the one so far, so this advice is best for one child). Babywearing is a great way to let your little baby nap while you get some work done. Babies love love LOVE to contact nap and the motion will help soothe them to sleep. When my son got a little older, he would happily sit in his recliner/rocker chair with the toys that dangled above him and play with those while I did the dishes or made dinner. By now at 14 months old, he is usually fine to play around my in the kitchen while I work. I have the whole first floor of the house baby-proof, so he can wander the kitchen and play in his allotted cabinets. It is definitely not impossible to get housework done with a little one running around. I understand that having multiple little ones can be more of a challenge and I will have to make an update when I experience that firsthand.

As a wife, you need to respect and support your husband. A man wants to come home after a busy work day and have the loving company of his wife, and definitely will love a home cooked meal. A lot of women complain about how their husbands never listen to them and their needs. I firmly believe this is because women aren’t communicating in the ways that work for a man. Men don’t want to listen to nagging and groaning from their wives, but rather would respond better if the wife would just sit down and explain their problem and feelings. So many marriages lack proper communication these days and this is a lot of reason for divorces. You also need to be willing to listen to your husband’s problems without comparing them to your own or making him feel bad. You both need to look out for each other. Never lie and never hide anything from one another, that will only cause trust issues.

Another piece of advice for wives is to keep your relationship problems between the two of you. I know it is super tempting to want to call your best friends and start complaining to them. This is only avoiding the issue and causing more of a rift between you and your husband. You both need to keep your problems between you two and instead of complaining to others, use that energy and time to fix the issues. You should always feel comfortable going to your husband about insecurities and problems, as he should for you. You are partners and need to be able to talk.

Marriage isn’t something that should be taken lightly. It comes with commitment and growth. You both need to be willing to work together and work through any problems, instead of just giving up and filing for divorce. ESPECIALLY if you have children. The role of the wife is the role of the support. She is there to support her husband and support their children. She needs to be loving and patient, and always willing to listen. She should be modest, and have respect for her husband and others. She needs to keep her attitude in check and watch her mouth, as she is a constant example to her daughters, and even her sons, so they know what qualities to look for in a future wife. Be there for your husband and be ready to communicate.