What Being the Man means in Marriage
This is in response to Charles’ most recent post entitled “Insights From A Thirty-Four Year Old Newlywed”. I largely agree with what is likely a majority of his discussion but there is one major sticking point for me. Charles says to “not worry about being ‘the man'”. This is wrong and is horrible advice. Nothing against you Charles, but I pray you understand what I am saying is not an attack but rather a gentle correction. In an effort to explain to both Charles and any young men interested in the topic allow me to elaborate.
As both Charles and I have discussed many times, the age in which we live is filled with false teachings, wrong ideas and heterodoxy. The current religion of Secularism with the primary tenants of Equality, Tolerance and Feminism through the guise of “Progress” surround us all. Secularism is a false religion with a wrong starting point. It presupposes a world “Progress”-ing from the unenlightened to the enlightened. From barbarism to modernity. And yet as we continue to progress we seem to be more in a regression. Slipping and sliding backwards in time. It is difficult even for the most based or red-pilled among us to completely rid ourselves of this poisonous worldview.
Take the liberal concept of Equality for example. It presupposes that all people are perfectly equal. Lacking any sort of hierarchy. Obviously this is false. Specifically within marriage treating both spouses as perfect equals to each other is foolish at best and disastrous at worst. Since the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s men have been placed increasingly in lower roles within the household. Until now where largely there are no men in the household. The ones that remain are largely glorified women with less responsibility. Absolute equality in marriage has completely usurped the man and husband from his rightful place. St. John Chrysostom directly spoke on this matter in his Homilies.
The wife is a second authority; let not her then demand equal honor for she is under the head. Nor let him despise her as being in subjection, for she is the body…. He places the one in subjection, and the other in authority that there may be peace, for where there is equality of ranks there can never be peace, neither where a house is a democracy, nor where all are rulers, but the ruling power must of necessity be one.
St. John Chrysostom
(Homily XX on Ephesians)
The Feminist ideal is a trap! Don’t fall into it. Neither your wife or yourself will be satisfied in a marriage between equals. Remember what the entire point of marriage is: To allow for each spouse to help the other to Salvation. Keep your eye on the prize! Your authority is a great burden and mustn’t be taken lightly. Allow your wife to ease your burden through her service. Both she and you will both be the better for it. Spiritually as well as physically. By not “being the man” you are robbing your wife of a proper husband and possibly her Salvation.
What role does Compatibility play in marriage?
Charles also spoke somewhat on Compatibility. Personally, I agree that the concept of Compatibility is a misnomer and Boomer tier. However, it is important to discuss because I have a slight disagreement with Charles here. His observation of superficial compatibility being silly is correct. When we look at compatibility on a deeper level it starts to have some semblance of necessity. On a base level, your wife and you should have very similar worldviews. Religiously you should be on the same wavelength (and if not Orthodox you really should get on that). Politically you should be very similarly minded. Mixed marriages do not work. This is not to say you cannot disagree on things but the baseline should be there.
Old Newlyweds are Cringe
Only small shade to Charles here but GET MARRIED YOUNG!! Marriage largely is a game of growing together. How many couples that you know of that have been married for 50+ years got married in their 30’s? None. They don’t exist. (I don’t care that you have one example. It isn’t relevant.) Successful marriages are built on time. Time together. This continues the theme of working together towards Salvation. You can still do it at 40 but it is much harder. Baggage in a marriage is a real thing. The less you and your wife have coming into the marriage the better off you will be.
What about MGTOW/PUA? Is there any merit there?
No.
Oh fine fine. I’ll elaborate. “Men” like Andrew Tate should not be taken seriously. They may seem to say counter narrative things but it is a trick. A grift. Their “brand” of masculinity is just that. A brand. Marketing. Stay away from that in your marriage. Both in courtship and during the course of the marriage. Overall MGTOW was the end goal of the Enemy in is push for feminism. I plan on expanding on this more at a later time.
Ending Thoughts
I don’t want this to come off as being a bash-fest against Charles. I do not intend for it to be so. Manhood and men in marriages are very important. Our era sees the effects of a lack of men. Both generally and particularly in marriage. I see it is an important fight in our struggles against the worldly powers. As well as the spiritual powers at be. Stay Strong Brothers!
